I was never much of TV-lover back home. I'd have a few shows I'd watch, plus college football, and other than that--and The Weather Channel--I could take it or leave it. I eventually gave up on LOST because it was too much of a commitment. Our new house has a 30-year-old TV with 6 channels, and I think of those 6 channels as an unbelievable luxury: I can't wait to watch bad american sitcoms (The Nanny), bad Spanish soap operas (My Sin/Moj Grijeh/ Mi Pecado), and Croatian versions of American reality TV (Hrvatska Trazi Zvijezda: Croatia Seeks a Star, AKA American Idol), all with helpful Croatian subtitles!!
As gleeful as I am about my precious six channels, I'm still grieving my inability to watch the premier of Mad Men, Season 4 tonight and of Season 8 of Project Runway later this week. I've loved PR for years, but I just started watching Mad Men this summer on the website SurftheChannel , and I absolutely fell in love. I dislike the main character--if Don Draper really IS the main character--but for me the show is about the female characters: the sexy husband-hunting managing secretary, the depressed housewife, the career girl fighting for respect and equality in a misogynist 1960's working world. The show explores all three roles with sympathy and sophistication, and that's what I watch for. Well, that and the clothes.
Hulu doesn't work overseas, and neither do Lifetime's online episodes. Both Mad Men and Project Runway will eventually be posted on SurfTheChannel--which, FYI, is 100% legal as far as I can find out and has partnered with the Discovery Channel, so I feel like it would be shut down if it were illegal...it's no secret. What drives me crazy is that the first episode of Man Men, Season 4 will be playing in Times Square tonight, and I WILL BE MISSING IT!! I'll have to wait two or three days at least to watch it here.
I can always comfort myself with a book or a video game--my preferred forms of entertainment--or, you know, go for a walk in the beautiful city I live in and visit the castle or cathedral or other marvels of medieval or baroque architecture less than five minutes from my apartment....but Mad Men, readers, MAD MEN!!!!
Well, if you're watching it tonight, think of me and enjoy it extra for my impatient sake ^_^
Saturday
Falling down in the dumps and getting out
I got married on Saturday, and I really need to write about it on here: it's a surreal experience getting married in a strange country in a language you don't understand that well! But for the past couple of weeks I've been feeling so down in the dumps that I haven't felt like trying to write about a joyous occasion. I've been feeling incredibly anxious and worried and stressed out.
I think it's normal to have these down periods when you're adjusting to so many changes in your life. Kristian and I are are gathering papers together for both our visa applications: mine for here, and his for the U.S. It's very expensive, and it's incredibly stressful to have your future with your spouse hung up in paperwork in government offices.
Plus, I got a pay cut. As many of you know, I teach English online, and I get paid by the class. For the past six or eight terms, I've gotten five classes or even more, but this time I only got four. It's a manageable pay cut, and I don't mind less grading. But it's worrisome because if I lose another class next term, or two classes, we will start being in trouble, and if my salary drops below $18,000, then I can't sponsor Kristian's entry into the U.S. That would mean that I would have to enter the US alone and find a job before we could really even get his paperwork underway...which could be a year or more of separation. That, or getting my parents to sponsor his entry, which they probably would do, but neither he nor I (nor they, I'm sure!!!) want to involve the government in their financial status. It's better for us to handle it ourselves. So, I've been looking for additional online jobs for the past month or so, and NOTHING. I got one interview with the first job I applied for...and it was cancelled two days after it was scheduled because all positions were filled already. That was crushing. I've gotten no other feedback except for form emails saying my CV was received...then silence.
Finally, I hate our apartment, and I can't imagine many things worse than working from home in a home you loathe. It's dirty, old, dank, cramped, and stuffy. The bathroom has a constant stench wafting up from the 50-year-old Yugoslavian drains. The refrigerator doesn't get cold enough, so our food spoils almost instantly, and two weeks ago I spent three days with a very unpleasant stomach ailment probably garnered from something I ate. Kristian had it for a day as well.
I've let this stuff get to me. It's a mental and spiritual battle, really. I've never been one of those head-in-the sand Christians who suggest that trusting in God means things stop sucking, and I've noticed that it's usually rich people or the highly medicated who express that sentiment. Maybe I'd be a cheerier person if I could embrace that viewpoint, but I'd feel like I was lying to myself and everyone around me. A thin veneer of cheerfulness has little or nothing to do with a real faith in God, and I challenge anybody to think that it does after they spend some time in the book of Job!
What DOES have to do with a real faith in God is being willing to leave the future to God and live in the here and now. I've always loved that verse in the Sermon on the Mount that goes "Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own" (Matt 6: 34). What really gets me down is not all the little manageable issues today, but fears for an insecure future and potential disasters like Kristian and I being apart for months or years because of financial problems and immigration issues. But there is no point in worrying about that future...let it worry about itself. Today we're together, we have work, and we have food to eat and a place to live.
AND today we get the keys to our new place! I'll write more and post pictures of its amazing perfections ASAP. It's tiny to the point that I bet most American newlyweds would be horrified...maybe....but it's bright and airy and sunny AND....well, I won't give away its best features until I get some good pictures!! ^_^ Point is, we're about to move into the little European cottage of my dreams. That still leaves us with the job issue, and the immigration issue. But there is no sense in ruining today because I'm worried about tomorrow.
I think it's normal to have these down periods when you're adjusting to so many changes in your life. Kristian and I are are gathering papers together for both our visa applications: mine for here, and his for the U.S. It's very expensive, and it's incredibly stressful to have your future with your spouse hung up in paperwork in government offices.
Plus, I got a pay cut. As many of you know, I teach English online, and I get paid by the class. For the past six or eight terms, I've gotten five classes or even more, but this time I only got four. It's a manageable pay cut, and I don't mind less grading. But it's worrisome because if I lose another class next term, or two classes, we will start being in trouble, and if my salary drops below $18,000, then I can't sponsor Kristian's entry into the U.S. That would mean that I would have to enter the US alone and find a job before we could really even get his paperwork underway...which could be a year or more of separation. That, or getting my parents to sponsor his entry, which they probably would do, but neither he nor I (nor they, I'm sure!!!) want to involve the government in their financial status. It's better for us to handle it ourselves. So, I've been looking for additional online jobs for the past month or so, and NOTHING. I got one interview with the first job I applied for...and it was cancelled two days after it was scheduled because all positions were filled already. That was crushing. I've gotten no other feedback except for form emails saying my CV was received...then silence.
Finally, I hate our apartment, and I can't imagine many things worse than working from home in a home you loathe. It's dirty, old, dank, cramped, and stuffy. The bathroom has a constant stench wafting up from the 50-year-old Yugoslavian drains. The refrigerator doesn't get cold enough, so our food spoils almost instantly, and two weeks ago I spent three days with a very unpleasant stomach ailment probably garnered from something I ate. Kristian had it for a day as well.
I've let this stuff get to me. It's a mental and spiritual battle, really. I've never been one of those head-in-the sand Christians who suggest that trusting in God means things stop sucking, and I've noticed that it's usually rich people or the highly medicated who express that sentiment. Maybe I'd be a cheerier person if I could embrace that viewpoint, but I'd feel like I was lying to myself and everyone around me. A thin veneer of cheerfulness has little or nothing to do with a real faith in God, and I challenge anybody to think that it does after they spend some time in the book of Job!
What DOES have to do with a real faith in God is being willing to leave the future to God and live in the here and now. I've always loved that verse in the Sermon on the Mount that goes "Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own" (Matt 6: 34). What really gets me down is not all the little manageable issues today, but fears for an insecure future and potential disasters like Kristian and I being apart for months or years because of financial problems and immigration issues. But there is no point in worrying about that future...let it worry about itself. Today we're together, we have work, and we have food to eat and a place to live.
AND today we get the keys to our new place! I'll write more and post pictures of its amazing perfections ASAP. It's tiny to the point that I bet most American newlyweds would be horrified...maybe....but it's bright and airy and sunny AND....well, I won't give away its best features until I get some good pictures!! ^_^ Point is, we're about to move into the little European cottage of my dreams. That still leaves us with the job issue, and the immigration issue. But there is no sense in ruining today because I'm worried about tomorrow.
Friday
How's my Croatian? It depends....
Yesterday was a good day for me, language-wise: I got three compliments on my Croatian! One of them was especially exciting because it came from the woman who translates the documents for my visa, so she's fluent in several languages and knows what she's talking about.
But when people back home would ask "How's your Croatian?" or "Do you speak the language there?" I'm not sure how to answer. I really struggle to put sentences together. The words are hard to pronounce: too many consonants. Like the word for "luggage": prtljaga. or "patient": "strpljiv." I know exactly what those words mean when I hear, read, or write them, but speaking them is another matter altogether! Plus the case endings are hard to get straight at a normal conversation speed. On a test, I could write out the proper case ending for a noun after the number "four," but saying it...I'm still a bit too slow! :)
Sometimes I understand exactly what someone is saying. Yesterday our new landlady was telling Kristian about how our little house had belonged to her parents, but then her father died in 2000. The real estate agent had estimated the value of the house at 350,000 euros. (No, it's no mansion. it's more like maybe the size of a tool shed behind a mansion. But it has a huge yard in a desirable location, so the land itself is valuable).
I understood all that, but I also heard her talking about dogs, and I figured she was saying something about pets in the house, but I didn't understand any of the words. Turns out she was telling Kristian that she and her husband own a metal factory that went through a huge boom for a while because they were making ID tags for dogs. Then the government started requiring dogs to have microchips, so no one was buying ID tags, and their business really suffered. My vocabulary is pretty minimal as it is, and "microchip implantation" has not really ever come up before, so I was lost.
My language abilities, then, are pretty hit-or-miss...but I am getting there! I can't even imagine what it will be like to be fluent, but I look forward to that day!
But when people back home would ask "How's your Croatian?" or "Do you speak the language there?" I'm not sure how to answer. I really struggle to put sentences together. The words are hard to pronounce: too many consonants. Like the word for "luggage": prtljaga. or "patient": "strpljiv." I know exactly what those words mean when I hear, read, or write them, but speaking them is another matter altogether! Plus the case endings are hard to get straight at a normal conversation speed. On a test, I could write out the proper case ending for a noun after the number "four," but saying it...I'm still a bit too slow! :)
Sometimes I understand exactly what someone is saying. Yesterday our new landlady was telling Kristian about how our little house had belonged to her parents, but then her father died in 2000. The real estate agent had estimated the value of the house at 350,000 euros. (No, it's no mansion. it's more like maybe the size of a tool shed behind a mansion. But it has a huge yard in a desirable location, so the land itself is valuable).
I understood all that, but I also heard her talking about dogs, and I figured she was saying something about pets in the house, but I didn't understand any of the words. Turns out she was telling Kristian that she and her husband own a metal factory that went through a huge boom for a while because they were making ID tags for dogs. Then the government started requiring dogs to have microchips, so no one was buying ID tags, and their business really suffered. My vocabulary is pretty minimal as it is, and "microchip implantation" has not really ever come up before, so I was lost.
My language abilities, then, are pretty hit-or-miss...but I am getting there! I can't even imagine what it will be like to be fluent, but I look forward to that day!
What did people do without the internet: cooking edition.
I bet every single person reading this has wondered how things were DONE before the internet or has thought back wonderingly to the days when people did still use typewriters, card catalogs, and so forth.
Living in another country only intensifies that feeling. I've written about my cooking woes on here, but thanks to some practice I've adjusted: I finally found the darned cornstarch, my thoughtful mother is mailing me measuring implements, and I've found quite a few recipes on allrecipes.com that I can manage. What would I have done if there weren't such a thing as allrecipes.com? Wedged a few heavy cookbooks in my already overweight two suitcases? Troubled my mom or others to mail me recipes? Bought a Croatian-language cookbook and muddled through? (I am looking forward to being able to buy a Croatian cookbook and use it, but it is going to be SLOW going.)
But even allrecipes isn't perfect: maybe I just can't sort effectively, but it seems like most of what's on that site requires too many expensive ingredients. It seemed like I was spending 70-100 kuna ($14-$20) every time I made dinner. Fortunately, a quick Google search took me to the very-economical-looking website, Frugal Recipes. It ain't pretty, but I'm trying an inexpensive green bean recipe from there tonight.
Through some other mysterious channels of the internet (I followed a chain of links about keeping your maiden name), I came upon the Unintended Housewife, a blog with a title I can relate to. She posted a recipe for stuffed peppers, which Kristian and I love but which I have only made unsuccessfully, stuffed with leftover barbecue from a recipe posted by the author of the blog Thrift at Home.
I'm making that barbecue tonight and planning stuffed peppers (punjene paprike in Croatian) for tomorrow. Now I'm all set with frugal-cooking resources. My only remaining cooking woe is that it's around 90 degrees and there is no air-conditioning in the kitchen or even much airflow. Let me tell you, cooking over a gas stovetop in July is no swell time. That woe will soon be over too, though, because on Saturday we get the keys to our new place!
When reason and cultural conditioning collide...
Kristian and I have been shopping for wedding rings. We found one yesterday that I really love: it's white gold with three lines etched into it that terminate in different points in a round, clear sparkly stone. I love it because it has that simple, graphic quality that I love in modernist abstract art. But in Croatia, those clear sparkly stones you find in jewelers are virtually NEVER diamonds: they're "zircons" (which sounds only slightly better than "cubic zirconia"). But, since all rings are made-to-order, Kristian asked how much it would be for diamonds, and it would be only 50 euro a diamond more. Feeling flush, Kristian avowed that his woman should have whichever she wants.
But I don't know WHAT I want. Ethically and economically, the zircons make more sense. It seems frivolous to spend even 150 euro (that's more than a months' rent) just to have stones that came out of the ground instead of a lab. (I say that not because I'm trying to pose ad being not materialistic--unfortunately, I am--but because my materialism tends away from jewelry toward clothes and travel). Moreover, diamonds are frequently mined using slave labor. In the States, you can get diamonds certified to have been mined by paid laborers, but the methods for obtaining those certifications are notoriously corrupt even there, and here.....well, let's just say the government doesn't even regulate the well-being of the Roma within its own borders, so how much less the well-being of slaves in other countries? A few months ago, Jessie sent me this amusing Onion article satirizing the diamond trade: she sent it to me at the time to make me feel smug about my diamond-free engagement ring, but if I get a wedding ring with diamonds, I sort of deserve it for a different reason.
Ethics and economics aside, sitcoms and movies I've seen since childhood have ingrained the idea into my mind that a wedding ring with zircons instead of diamonds reflects the cheap and artificial nature of the relationship. Think about it: diamonds are forever....zircons are for scrubs and old ladies watching the Jewelry channel. Yes, it's silly, but one thing that living overseas teaches you is that, silly or not, cultural prejudices aren't erased easily. How many readers of this blog spent years paying for a diamond ring that has to be insured? How many men dream of buying expensive, sparkly presents for their wives or girlfriends? (not that I want to discourage that.....) Why? Why does love, for so many Americans, need an expensive symbol that wastes money and contributes to the sum total of suffering in the world?
Well....it sounds like I've talked myself out of getting diamonds in my ring. But I won't be able to talk myself out of feeling slightly embarrassed about TELLING people my ring has cubic zirconia in it. Oh, well. One step at a time...
But I don't know WHAT I want. Ethically and economically, the zircons make more sense. It seems frivolous to spend even 150 euro (that's more than a months' rent) just to have stones that came out of the ground instead of a lab. (I say that not because I'm trying to pose ad being not materialistic--unfortunately, I am--but because my materialism tends away from jewelry toward clothes and travel). Moreover, diamonds are frequently mined using slave labor. In the States, you can get diamonds certified to have been mined by paid laborers, but the methods for obtaining those certifications are notoriously corrupt even there, and here.....well, let's just say the government doesn't even regulate the well-being of the Roma within its own borders, so how much less the well-being of slaves in other countries? A few months ago, Jessie sent me this amusing Onion article satirizing the diamond trade: she sent it to me at the time to make me feel smug about my diamond-free engagement ring, but if I get a wedding ring with diamonds, I sort of deserve it for a different reason.
Ethics and economics aside, sitcoms and movies I've seen since childhood have ingrained the idea into my mind that a wedding ring with zircons instead of diamonds reflects the cheap and artificial nature of the relationship. Think about it: diamonds are forever....zircons are for scrubs and old ladies watching the Jewelry channel. Yes, it's silly, but one thing that living overseas teaches you is that, silly or not, cultural prejudices aren't erased easily. How many readers of this blog spent years paying for a diamond ring that has to be insured? How many men dream of buying expensive, sparkly presents for their wives or girlfriends? (not that I want to discourage that.....) Why? Why does love, for so many Americans, need an expensive symbol that wastes money and contributes to the sum total of suffering in the world?
Well....it sounds like I've talked myself out of getting diamonds in my ring. But I won't be able to talk myself out of feeling slightly embarrassed about TELLING people my ring has cubic zirconia in it. Oh, well. One step at a time...
Wednesday
Shopping in Croatia
I spent the day today in Zagreb shopping with my future sister-in-law. In typical Croatian fashion, we didn't buy anything :D Well, I bought nail polish and cheap sunglasses.
But it was interesting to see the prices of products that I buy--or dream of buying--in the US.
Prada flats: $300 (same flats in the US: $600)
Lancome mascara: $70 (this is what I wear: I pay $22 for it at Dillards)
So, I draw two conclusions from this:
1) I can buy Prada shoes for the price of 4.27 tubes of Lancome mascara (According to today's exchange rate, those shoes might be purchased in the US by 27 tubes of Lancome mascara).
2) I need someone to start mailing me Lancome Definicils mascara in black.
But it was interesting to see the prices of products that I buy--or dream of buying--in the US.
Prada flats: $300 (same flats in the US: $600)
Lancome mascara: $70 (this is what I wear: I pay $22 for it at Dillards)
So, I draw two conclusions from this:
1) I can buy Prada shoes for the price of 4.27 tubes of Lancome mascara (According to today's exchange rate, those shoes might be purchased in the US by 27 tubes of Lancome mascara).
2) I need someone to start mailing me Lancome Definicils mascara in black.
Monday
An All-American 4th of July!
We started off the holiday early by going to hear a local blues-rock band that was playing in the park, the Voodoo Lizards. The lead singer looked like he was trying to mimic Stevie Ray Vaughan:
Sure enough, they sang "Texas Flood." Unsatisfactorily, IMO, but an expat Texan is hard to please when it comes to a Stevie Ray Vaughan cover. Their own songs were a lot better than their covers, definitely worth a listen.
The actual 4th was awesome. We did go to church first thing, but we went by the store on the way home to buy chips and candy. Then when we got home, we turned on the air conditioner, which we don't normally use. Then I made chicken salad and we gorged ourselves on chips and salad while watching Season 4 of The Simpsons. Then Kristian fell asleep. I polished off the chips, candy, and Season 4. ("I call the big one Bitey!")
Needless to say, by bedtime I had a seriously upset stomach. But it was worth it.
Sure enough, they sang "Texas Flood." Unsatisfactorily, IMO, but an expat Texan is hard to please when it comes to a Stevie Ray Vaughan cover. Their own songs were a lot better than their covers, definitely worth a listen.
The actual 4th was awesome. We did go to church first thing, but we went by the store on the way home to buy chips and candy. Then when we got home, we turned on the air conditioner, which we don't normally use. Then I made chicken salad and we gorged ourselves on chips and salad while watching Season 4 of The Simpsons. Then Kristian fell asleep. I polished off the chips, candy, and Season 4. ("I call the big one Bitey!")
Needless to say, by bedtime I had a seriously upset stomach. But it was worth it.
Saturday
The sounds of summer
Kristian worked today, even though it's Saturday, because he has to earn some vacation time for our honeymoon. Around mid-afternoon, about the time he's supposed to be walking home, I heard this huge racket of car horns. It sounded like dozens of car alarms were going off all at once.
My first thought was "I wonder what could have caused that traffic jam?" so I rushed to the balcony to look. My second thought was "I hope Kristian didn't get run over or hit by a train!!!!" So I grabbed my cell phone to call him and make sure he's still alive, when I noticed the sound of car horns was getting closer. Finally I saw one car after another driving by, many of them decorated with Croatian flags and/or flowers. Every driver was joyfully hammering away at the car horn. And then I remembered: of course, it's a Saturday in July. It's a wedding!!
After the wedding ceremony at the church, the guest form a big caravan to drive to the reception hall, honking their horns all the way. It's pretty endearing in the same way noisy children are endearing: the guests express their overflow of high spirits by making a lot of noise. Fortunately, unlike noisy children, the cars go by before the noise wears out its welcome.
It makes me wonder what people did back in the days of horse and buggy.
My first thought was "I wonder what could have caused that traffic jam?" so I rushed to the balcony to look. My second thought was "I hope Kristian didn't get run over or hit by a train!!!!" So I grabbed my cell phone to call him and make sure he's still alive, when I noticed the sound of car horns was getting closer. Finally I saw one car after another driving by, many of them decorated with Croatian flags and/or flowers. Every driver was joyfully hammering away at the car horn. And then I remembered: of course, it's a Saturday in July. It's a wedding!!
After the wedding ceremony at the church, the guest form a big caravan to drive to the reception hall, honking their horns all the way. It's pretty endearing in the same way noisy children are endearing: the guests express their overflow of high spirits by making a lot of noise. Fortunately, unlike noisy children, the cars go by before the noise wears out its welcome.
It makes me wonder what people did back in the days of horse and buggy.
Friday
What to do for an expat 4th of July?
You know what's great about the 4th of July holiday? Everyone else is celebrating, so you can go out into a big crowd of people, watch fireworks, gorge yourself on hot dogs and pasta salad and snow cones or whatever, listen to (usually cheesy) patriotic music, and go home feeling like you're really part of your little corner of the world. The last 4th of July that I spend in Knoxville, I went with my friends to World's Fair Park and did all of the above, and it was great.
This year, I have to get creative. Somehow, it seems appropriate to celebrate, even though I haven't even seen another American for weeks and my partner in crime here (metaphorically speaking) has never even been to the States. Maybe because of those things.
I was thinking maybe we could take a picnic lunch to the castle grounds....but most of you know that I love hotdogs, and I'm not sure hotdogs will pack very well :D Unfortunately, we don't have access to a grill. We could make hotdogs at home and then watch some movie about Middle America, something that could further Kristian's cultural education! (Not that he hasn't seen a million American movies, probably more than I have). But I'm not sure WHAT movie encapsulates "america."
So, any suggestions? How do two grill-less people celebrate the fourth, just the two of them?
This year, I have to get creative. Somehow, it seems appropriate to celebrate, even though I haven't even seen another American for weeks and my partner in crime here (metaphorically speaking) has never even been to the States. Maybe because of those things.
I was thinking maybe we could take a picnic lunch to the castle grounds....but most of you know that I love hotdogs, and I'm not sure hotdogs will pack very well :D Unfortunately, we don't have access to a grill. We could make hotdogs at home and then watch some movie about Middle America, something that could further Kristian's cultural education! (Not that he hasn't seen a million American movies, probably more than I have). But I'm not sure WHAT movie encapsulates "america."
So, any suggestions? How do two grill-less people celebrate the fourth, just the two of them?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)